Now speaking and working on Mindfulness, Mindful leadership and advanced volunteer leadership.
Sunday, December 31, 2023
My Wish for Twenty Four
My wish for twenty four
Is that we simply say no more
No more to hate and war
And humanity to scar
Our future generation
From every creed and nation
Will thank us for release
From fighting and to peace
My wish for twenty four
An awakening of more
People who bring shining light
To stop the bloody fight
My wish is just as simple
As a little babies dimple
And though is sounds naïve
It’s my wish on New Year’s Eve
And feel it will come true
If these wishes too, touch you
Diarmuid J Cronin
Saturday, December 16, 2023
The way of the peaceful volunteer leader
If you are passionate about volunteering, you are in the right job. If you lead with authenticity, you are in the right job. If you trust yourself keep doing so. No one is perfect. The expert has nothing more to give and nothing more to learn. Keep learning. Mistakes are opportunities. If you are trying to save or fix people you are in the wrong job. If you see instead that you are enabling and inspiring positive action for change, compassion and love, you are in the right job.
If you appreciate your role, whatever its title and feel
appreciated by the organisation that you work with, you are in the right job. Practice
gratitude every day.
If you do not set boundaries you are heading for burn out. You
have a right to have boundaries. We all do. A boundary is not a negative thing.
They are a right for your self-care and psychological safety. If you are an
effective volunteer leader, have subject matter expertise or are willing to get
to that point with a sense of openness, curiosity or learning you do not have
to prove your worth to anyone. You are worthy as a human being no matter what
is happening in your life right now. You should have got your job based on your
worth anyway. You work for an organisation. You are not owned by an
organisation.
There are many things that you are capable of changing but
there are things that you may never be able to change where you work. Either
accept the things you cannot change or seek out another opportunity in another
organisation. In your bid to make changes for the betterment of others, do it
as your authentic self, without fear and saunter.
Be honest about how you feel with yourself. If your
workplace is one of psychological safety be honest with others. Do not let
anger or bitterness cloud your honesty. Demonstrate your honesty. Lean into vulnerability.
Show the people you lead and work with your humaneness. Know when it’s time to
go. Don’t be used or played.
Do not let people dictate how you feel and neither do the
same to others. Trust your intuition. Know the difference between empathy and
sympathy. That person that annoys you, that person who does not listen to you,
that person that does not make you feel validated – do not allow them rent
space in your head. Only you know how you truly feel. Just look into your heart
and know yourself.
If people do not understand you or your motives despite
explaining it to them several times cease explaining yourself. Be authentic,
caring, and mindful and you will attract others of the same ilk. Those are your
tribe. If you don’t have them where you are, you go find them because they are
there.
Relationships end. Jobs end. You may find yourself in a
great place now with other great leadership in your organisation. Nothing under
the sky is permanent. We are here for a short time. Ponder that. You are always
replaceable. Ponder that. Life has its ups, downs, swings and roundabouts. But
know that your authentic self is not replaceable ever. Accept and surrender to
the importance of life and let it go. Let go of that which does not serve you. Shakespeare
said that life is a stage, and we are merely its actors. I say that you are the
director of this play. Write your own script. Fill your play with authentic
love and compassion. Write scenes of joy, lightness and playfulness. Visualise
your future and feel you are there every day. Do not give up. Let go yes, but
that is not giving up. Seasons do not last. Reasons do not last. As Marianne Williamson
said, understand that what is not love is a cry for love. Feel the pain and be
alive again.
Do not over commit or
over promise. Especially if you do not have the time to meet these commitments.
It is ok to say no. Don’t be that yes person all of the time. It will
eventually catch up with you. Say yes and commit to yourself, your worth, your unique
talents and as the Desiderate proclaims “You are a child of the universe. You
have the right to be here and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt, the
universe is unfolding as it should….be cheerful. Strive to be happy. “
Return to yourself. There is no other you in this world. You
are unique and deserve the best. Be kind. Stay curious. Stay open and keep
learning on this wonderful path. And if you like, choose the path less
travelled.
This is just an opinion piece. But it is written from a
place of compassion and authentic I.
“The opposite of love is not
hate; it is use. Use is the abuse of love; in fact, it betrays love. When we
use another person, we place their needs below our own, but worse yet, we place
their value and dignity below ours.”
―
Moojibaba & Jai Sahaja! — Shankara Karunakara
Friday, December 15, 2023
Tuesday, December 12, 2023
Daniel With The Balance - Whatever Arises Love That (Official Video) Ins...
Sunday, December 10, 2023
Saturday, December 9, 2023
Sliding doors – Two days in the life of one Volunteer Manager
Chapter
one
One day
As the rain gently beats upon her windowpane the radio alarm goes
off and Olivia awakens and hits the snooze button. Five minutes go by in what
appears to be a second and Olivia hits the snooze button again. This time she
stays awake. Olivia’s heart feels heavy. She knows another Monday has rolled
in. Another week of work. She remembers today she needs to have a difficult
conversation with that volunteer. She know there are reports that are due by
midweek. She hears the rain beat violently on the window pain and curses the weather.
After checking her Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and the latest dreadful news
headlines she stumbles out of bed and wearily hits the shower. Her mind is so
full of thoughts she doesn’t really know she’s showering. Brushing her teeth
afterwards she looks into the mirror and makes some quick judgments on her
appearance. She thinks she looks old and looks away in hurt. Her partner has
left for work over an hour ago. She doesn’t even remember him saying goodbye.
Typical. Chloe is already up eating cereal and she notices her lunch has
already been made by her partner. Which is just as well as she sees by the
clock she is running late. She says good morning to Chloe and gives her a quick
peck on the top of her golden hair. Then
Chloe, who is taking her cereal bowl to the sink drops the bowl and it smashes
on the ground in pieces. “Oh for heaven’s sake Chloe” she shouts. “You always
drop things! Now you are going to make you mummy late for work!”. “Sorry mummy”
whispers Cloe and she is told go wait in the car. While picking up the remnants
of the bowl Olivia cuts a finger and the F Bomb is dropped a number of times.
She rushes to the car and drops Chloe off to school. Another kiss
goodbye and watching Chloe skip to meet her friends she feels a pang of regret
before driving the car and parking it at the railway station.
“Attention passengers, the 6.31 to the City has been cancelled. We
apologise to our customers for this inconvenience. The next train to the city
will now be at 6.47” is announced at the station. “Of course it is” Olivia
mutters under her breath. She looks around at other passengers. Some are making
calls, some look annoyed. She see one lady in the distance who is sitting there
and seems to be smiling. Olivia feels she knows this person or maybe it’s
because she seems to be wearing the same clothes as her. The lady turns her
head towards her, catches her eye and smiles. Olivia immediately looks away.
The rain has stopped and sunlight breaks from a patch in the sky. Umbrellas are
put away as Olivia returns to her phone. She posts on Facebook “Bloody Train
cancelled again and it’s raining. Great start to my week!”
On the train finally, she sits into a vacant seat annoyed that she
has to share it with this man. “Could they make the seats any smaller these
days?” she thinks as she flips on her phone again. Halfway during the trip she
looks up and sees that 90% of the passengers are on the phone except for that
woman whom she saw earlier who is reading a book. She’s still smiling! Again
the woman looks up from her book, catches her looking at her and smiles even
more broadly. Olivia quickly returns to her Facebook and looks at her post.
Only one “Like” and one comment “You Ok Hun?’ She flicks to Instagram and then
to Tik Tok and before she knows it has arrived at Central Station. She rushes
to her office grabbing a coffee on the way and spills some of it entering the
lift. At the office a colleague greets her “Hey Olivia, Happy Monday – how are
you” Grunting she replies “You don’t want to know” and as she heads to her desk
she notices a colleague in a desk nearby from another department teary eyed.
“Probably having the same type of day as me” she thinks to herself while
turning on her computer to begin checking emails.
That was the start of Olivia’s day. It didn’t get better. One
email she got really riled her and she sent a length angry response. She got
another from her manager reminding her that her monthly report was due by
Wednesday. Inside she could feel her anger rise. “I am not stupid, I don’t need
your reminder and I know how to do my job!” she wanted to email back but
instead ignored the email.
The difficult conversation with the volunteer could not have been
any worse. There was shouting and much tears.
Olivia took a call at one stage from another manager in the
organisation wanting to know if she could organise 8 volunteers for an event
tomorrow. She replied with a short answer” Yes – of course’ and slammed down
the phone. Typical. Her business proposal asking for more resources for
volunteer management had been rejected last week. She started blankly at her
computer screen for five minutes. She felt dreadful, stressed, tired and
undervalued. The colleague with tears in her eyes earlier sat beside her now.
“Oh God – what does she want?” Thought Olivia.
“Are you ok Olivia?
“Yes why?”
“I just noticed you slamming down the phone and I thought you
might be stressed. Just checking everything is fine”
“Thanks, but I am fine. You know, just not enough hours in the day”
“Did you want to talk about it?”
“Nah, I’m really too busy but thanks anyway”
“Ok Olivia, but you know where I am if you wanna talk”
After the woman had left, Olivia went into the bathroom, locked
the cubicle door, put down the seat and wept for five minutes. Afterwards, she
gathered herself together, returned to her desk and tried her best to be calm
for the rest of the day with varying success.
Arriving home that evening exhausted and drained, she was greeted
by Chloe with a “Mummy mummy “as the girl ran towards her and gave her a warm
hug. Her partner then gave her a hug and informed her that he had started a
roast chicken dinner. Olivia dropped her bag and reached for a red wine.
Offering her partner one he accepted with a thanks and looked lovingly at her
as he asked, ‘How was your day” Tears welled up in Olivia’s eyes.
Her partner concerned now asked “Do you want to talk about what’s
happening for you?”
She looked at him for a while, watched Olivia playing with crayons
on the kitchen table and then looked back at her partners concerned
“Yes, yes, I do. “
Chapter
two
One day.
As the rain gently beats upon her windowpane the radio alarm goes off and Olivia awakens and listens to the song playing. It’s one of her favourites – “Lovely Day: by Bill Withers. Olivia stretches out on the bed, stretches her legs and arms and listens to this beautiful song and sings along. This is indeed going to be a lovely day she feels. Olivia’s heart feels light. She knows another Monday has dawned. Another week of work that makes a difference to herself and others. She remembers today she needs to have a difficult conversation with that volunteer, but she has planned well for it. She knows there are reports that are due by midweek. She feels grateful they are nearly completed. She hears the rain beat beautifully on the window pain and feels grateful that it has finally rained. A welcome relief after weeks of hot weather and she knows that soon her brown lawn will change to green. Turning off the radio she sits on the side of her bed and goes to the Calm app she got a few weeks ago and clicks on the daily meditation with headphones in her ear. Olivia has made this a daily practice. She remembers when she was a bit cynical and doubtful about mindful practice and meditation. After a few stressful weeks at work her partner had suggested it. She scoffed at first thinking who has time for that nonsense! But, as is her want, Olivia liked trying new things and thought she would have a crack. She thought what had she to lose? So once again she sat there listening to a gentle guided meditation for ten minutes. Ten minutes to herself and she had noticed new ways of thinking and approaches to life. Each meditation was different. She was feeling more centred, self-aware and looked forward to each morning to this. Of course it wasn’t always easy. She kept drifting away attaching to various thoughts. She nearly gave up. But giving up wasn’t in her nature and she persisted. She recalled reading an article recently and most of it flashed back in her memory before she began her daily practice
“Tendencies
of the mind
In 2005, the National Science Foundation published
an article summarizing research on human thoughts per day. It was found that
the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those
thousands of thoughts, 80% were negative, and 95% were exactly the same
repetitive thoughts as the day before.
We can see that one of the tendencies of the mind is to focus on the negative
and ‘play the same songs’ over and over again.
There was another interesting study (Leahy, 2005, Study of Cornell University), in which scientists found that,
firstly 85% of what we worry about never happens. Secondly with the 15% of the
worries that did happen, 79% of the subjects discovered that either they could
handle the difficulty better than expected, or that the difficulty taught them
a lesson worth learning.
The conclusion is that 97% of our worries are baseless and result from
an unfounded pessimistic perception.
These baseless worries are a major source of stress, tension and cause
of exhaustion not only for the mind, but also for the physical body.”
Olivia finished her ten minute guided meditation. This one was all
about being grateful. It guided her to concentrate on her breathing and advised
that when the thought flowed in like clouds just to observe them and let them float
away again by coming back to and being aware of the breath. It ended asking her
to name in her mind a list of things or people she was grateful for. It didn’t matter
what they were. Olivia felt grateful for another day of possibilities. Her
family. Her friends. Her breathing. Her ears that could hear. Her eyes that
could see. While showering she was grateful for the warm water embracing her
skin and grateful for the privilege of having a shower to begin with
Brushing her teeth afterwards she looks into the mirror and the
song she woke up to comes into her mind and she hears the lyrics – “Then I look
at you and the worlds alright with me. Just one look at you and I know it’s
going to be a lovely Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (Lovely day Lovely day Lovely
day Lovely day)” She smiles at her reflection. Her partner has left for work
over an hour ago. She doesn’t even remember him saying goodbye. But on her
bedside table she notices a note – She opens it and reads “Good morning, didn’t
want to wake you, have made Chloe’s lunch, have a lovely day! XX” Chloe is
already up eating cereal .Which is good as she sees by the clock she is running
a little late. She says good morning to Chloe and gives her a quick peck on the
top of her golden hair. Then Chloe, who
is taking her cereal bowl to the sink drops the bowl and it smashes on the
ground in pieces. “Oh Chloe” she speaks softly. “Are you Okay? Dot worry –
mummy will clean it up. “Sorry mummy” whispers Cloe. “It can happen to anyone
Chloe, I’ll just clean it up and we will get going”. Mindfully picking up the
remnants of the bowl Olivia remembers the bowel she dropped and smashed last
week and giggles thinking that they need a new set of bowls!
She walks to the car with Chloe and drops her off to school.
Another kiss goodbye and watching Chloe skip to meet her friends she feels a feeling
of gratitude and love before driving the car and parking it at the railway
station
“Attention passengers, the 6.31 to the City has been cancelled. We
apologise to our customers for this inconvenience. The next train to the city
will now be at 6.47” is announced at the station. “Oh well” Olivia thinks “The
next train is only less than 20 minutes away”. She takes a seat and remembers her meditation
on gratefulness. She smiles at the memory of her morning and how grateful she
is to have some downtime before the next train arrives. She looks around at
other passengers. Some are making calls, some look annoyed. She see one lady in
the distance who is standing there and seems to be very annoyed. Olivia feels
she knows this person or maybe it’s because she seems to be wearing the same
clothes as her. The lady turns her head towards her, catches her eye and stares
for a moment at her. Olivia immediately smiles at her and the other lady turns
her head away. The rain has stopped and sunlight breaks from a patch in the
sky. Umbrellas are put away as Olivia marvels at the wonderful smell rain
brings form the dampened nature around her. She observes the sunlight casting a
warm glow on the scene before her and hears a beautiful magpie signing from a
tree.
On the train finally. she sits into a vacant seat exchanging a pleasant
“Good morning” with fellow passengers. She pulls out the book that her partner
bought her for her birthday. She begins the read it. It’s called ‘The Power of
Now” by Eckhart Tolle. She is already halfway through and although she
struggles with some of the concepts in the book a lot of what he writes
resonates with her and she finds herself smiling again. Halfway during the trip
she looks up and sees that 90% of the passengers are on the phone except for
that woman she saw earlier who is staring at her again. “Where do I know her
from?” she thinks as she smiles broadly at her but the woman returns to her
phone. Olivia quickly returns to her book and before she knows it has arrived
at Central Station. She walks to her office grabbing a coffee on the way. At
the office a colleague greets her “Hey Olivia, Happy Monday – how are you” Smiling
she replies “Living the dream Adam and you?” Adam replies that he thinks he’s
living someone else’s dream. They both laugh and as she heads to her desk she
notices a colleague in a desk nearby from another department teary eyed. Not
wanting to intrude too much, she casually walks towards her and gently whispers
“Are you OK?” Her colleague tells her that they had to put down their pet dog
of 15 years yesterday due to a serious illness. Olivia sits beside her and says
“I am so sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine how you are feeling” They talk
about “Rambo’ for a few minutes. How it felt like losing a family member and
Olivia sat and listened. Just listened. On leaving she said “I’m just over
there if you need anything today OK?” Her colleague smiled and thanked her for
listening and said she already felt better talking about it.
That was the start of Olivia’s day. It did get better. One email
she got that would have really riled her in the past was read and observed. She
picked up the phone and rang the sender. They agreed there was a
miscommunication happening and they both got clarity around the issue and
mutually agreed on the next steps forward. Before she hung up the person said “Olivia,
to be honest I regretted sending the email once I sent it. I am sorry for the
tone of the email and really appreciate you calling me” She got another email
from her manager reminding her that her monthly report was due by Wednesday. She
replied thanking the person for the reminder and that she expected it to be
ready by Tuesday, all going well. For some reason she added a smiley emoji.
The difficult conversation with the volunteer went as well as such
conversations should go. Everyone had their say. The volunteer agreed that his
recent behaviour had breached their code of conduct and they agreed on a path
forward with the understanding of what another breach would mean. The volunteer
also took the opportunity to explain the difficult personal circumstances he
was going through. While he admitted that this was no excuse to treat others
badly while volunteering he felt it was contributing to his state of mind while
volunteering. Olivia offered the support line that all staff and volunteers had
access to and the volunteer agreed to take a break from volunteering to sort
out some of his pressing issues. They agreed to meet again before he
recommenced.
Olivia took a call at one stage from another manager in the
organisation wanting to know if she could organise 8 volunteers for an event
tomorrow. She replied with a short answer “Sorry Steve but the lateness of your
request means that we could not simply organise this overnight. And while yes,
we have 300 volunteers they all come in on designated days and volunteer in
many areas. They do have busy lives as well outside of their volunteering
duties. But let’s set up a meeting and we can talk about how we manage this in
the future and explore how volunteers can assist you” She was tempted to tell
him that we don’t keep volunteers in a fridge but resisted the urge. Steve’s
response – “Yeah – I take your point and would love to catch up when you have
time.”
Her business proposal asking for more resources for volunteer
management had been rejected last week. She started blankly at her computer
screen for five minutes. She thought this through for a while. She remembered a volunteer manager who had submitted a business proposal in a similar
organisation and got the result she wanted so she picked up the phone and
called Helen. After exchanging pleasantries, she asked Helen if she would be
happy to share her business proposal with her. “Of course,” said Helen “Emailing
it as we speak.” As soon as she hung up
the proposal was in her inbox. Reading it was a wonderful learning moment. She
realised she had missed some key points in her own proposal and marveled at
some of the language used. “Yes” she exclaimed a little too
“Are you ok Olivia?” Asked the colleague who had just lost her pet.
“Yes, I am thanks. Don’t worry about me - just look after yourself today, OK?” They exchanged a smile.
Olivia went into the bathroom, looked at her reflection in the
mirror and said to her reflection –“You are now going to resubmit your
business proposal! – I’ve got this” Afterwards, she returned to her desk and submitted her new proposal. Before the end of the day, she
got an email from her manager “Thanks for this Olivia, I have had a good read
of it. It makes more sense to me now and I’d like to set up a meeting on how we
can proceed from here.”
Arriving home that evening mindful and calm, she was greeted
by Chloe with a “Mummy mummy “as the girl ran towards her and gave her a warm
hug. Her partner then gave her a hug and informed her that he had started a
roast chicken dinner. Olivia dropped her bag and reached for a red wine.
Offering her partner one he accepted with a thanks and looked lovingly at her
as he asked ‘How was your day” Olivia said she had an awesome day!
Her partner excited for her asked “Do you want to tell me all
about it?”
She looked at him for a while, watched Olivia playing with crayons
on the kitchen table and then looked back at her partners happy
“Yes, yes, I do!
“Our
mind can be our biggest challenge and obstacle, yet if we manage it skilfully,
it can be our biggest ally, helping us to reach new heights of personal
development and work performance.” Neringa Antanaityte
An Autobiography in Five Chapters by Portia Nelson
Wednesday, December 6, 2023
4 Uncomfortable Signs You’re On The Right Path
Sunday, December 3, 2023
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