Volunteerism Gazette News Headlines: UFOs, Volunteer Management

By Don J Volau

June 5 2010

Strange spiraling lights were seen over Eastern Australia last night. The light trail was seen between 5.45am and 6am by people in Canberra, Sydney's north shore and Queensland.

Also yesterday, Volunteer Management was finally recognised with the Inclusion of Volunteer Management on the main themes of the upcoming National Conference and with AAVA putting in a submission and receiving funding from government and with the announcement of the first ever national conference for Volunteer Management.

When asked to comment on last night’s strange happenings Volunteer Manager DJ Cronin stated “Oh, I am very skeptical on such events – I simply don’t believe it to be true. One has to be rational I guess. People make up stories all the time”

When asked about the UFO sightings Mr. Cronin stated that one just had to have an open mind.

With thanks to CNN, NBC, ABC and Reuters

News story from Volunteerism Gazette - ROX WINS VOLUNTEER MANAGEMENT LIGHTBULB COMPETITION

Volunteerism Gazette

By DON J Volau

28 MAY 2010

How many volunteer managers does it take to change a light bulb?

This was a question posed by controversial djcronin.blogsite earlier this month. All witty answers were posted to the site that the New York Times has labeled “Grotesque, bizarre and unprecedented”

In an online poll 8,000 people from across the globe voted for their favorite joke (What’s with the slight exaggeration Don? – Ed). In all 7 people put their joke out there to be judged . Someone called Stephen just missed the cut off. A controversial move as we will never really know what might have been...

The person named Rox though was the clear winner with 2,000 votes. The nearest rival was everyone else on 1,000 votes.

In a major shock to the system Susan J Ellis and DJ Cronin only received 1,000 votes each. When asked why someone who has written books on volunteer management, travelled the globe talking on volunteerisms and is seen as a respected figure on all matters volunteering only garnished 1,000 votes, DJ Cronin retorted “ Hey – lay off me Don! I am not a comedian!”

Volunteerism Gazette was unable to contact Rox and our calls were not returned. It is believed that Rox has signed a deal to chat with Larry King on CNN and Bill O Reilly on Fox News. It is also reported that Rox is now working on a book of Volunteer Management Jokes.

And the winning answer?

"Only one but it could take a while because they have to write a job description, recruit for the position, interview, process a police check and send them to an OHS training session. However if they do all these steps well the volunteer will stick around to change all the rest!!"

Copyright Volunteerism Gazette 2010

Now I understand why some in volunteerism think the sun shines out of Uranus

Now here’s a Volunteer role with a difference.

Story courtesy of AFP 18 May

We are trailblazers' say Mars Mission volunteers

MOSCOW — The six men who enlisted to be locked up for over 500 days to simulate a mission to Mars called themselves "trailblazers" Tuesday, saying they were ready to face the strain of the isolation.

"We are trailblazers, but while this is very exciting, it brings a certain responsibility. I echo my teammates in saying we will do everything to be successful," Russian volunteer Mikhail Sinelnikov told reporters in Moscow.

The three Russians, two Europeans and one Chinese national will be sealed away for one-and-a-half years inside a 180-square-metre (1,000-square-feet) spaceship module on the outskirts of Moscow starting on June 3.
"It will be trying for all of us. We cannot see our family, we cannot see our friends, but I think it is all a glorious time in our lives," enthused Chinese participant Wang Yue, who is the youngest volunteer at age 27.
The mission will set the stage for "future generations who will actually travel frequently to Mars," said Italian-Colombian participant Diego Urbina.

The ambitious project, the first full-duration simulated flight to Mars, aims to test one of the biggest unknowns of an eventual manned mission to Mars: the psychological and physical toll on humans.”

With Thanks to Alissa de Carbonnel (AFP)




Now imagine trying to manage these volunteers! Imagine the annual volunteer feedback form. The top ten comments might be:

1. “While I enjoy my volunteering – I am getting a little sick of my fellow volunteers”

2. “I do appreciate the free volunteer lunch but can we please do something about the taste!”

3. “Hey I signed up as an episodic volunteer – why can’t I get out of here – I keep knocking on that door but no one will let me out!”

4. “Nothing happened during national volunteer’s week – what gives?”

5. “Can we please take down the poster that says “ Volunteers – out of this world”

6. “It’s no different from other places I have volunteered – there is no atmosphere!”

7. “In space no one can hear you scream “International Volunteer Managers Day” either”!

8. “Now I understand why some in volunteerism think the sun shines out of Uranus”

9. “ A mars a day helps you volunteer, rest and play”

10. “This is one small step for a volunteer…one giant leap for volunteerism”

WORLD MEDIA EXCLUSIVE: Volunteer Manager Takes Presidency

Volunteer Manager Takes Presidency

Volunteerism Gazette

16/05/10

Don J Volau


Samaku is an island west of North Arabia. Pop” 4 million, Samaku has gone unnoticed in world history generally due to its people’s penchant for peace. Samaku however should get some recognition from the volunteerism world as it has just elected a president whose full time job is volunteer manager.

According to its last census Samaku has 2 million volunteers. A figure large enough to inspire a volunteer manager to form his own political party 2 years ago. That risk yesterday paid off when Andy Cowling was inaugurated Samaku’s 4th President since the island state gained independence from Oldthink.

Speaking to Volunteerism Gazette after a lively ceremony that featured volunteers and volunteer managers, President Cowling said that Samaku could be a great example for the real power of volunteerism worldwide.
“I ran on the theme of “end the lip service” said the president elect who formed the “Volunteer party” just over 2 years ago. “I knew over half of the population were volunteers. I also sensed they felt the same as me when it came to how Government recognised their efforts.”

Andy Cowling campaigned on some innovative policies

• Free public transport for volunteers via the setting up of a volunteer registration site.
• Tax concessions for volunteers to offset petrol costs
• The setting up of the National University of Volunteer Management
• Funding for SAVL - The Samaku Association for Volunteer Leadership

Of course many other policies helped ensure that the Volunteer Party received 69% of last week’s vote decimating John Cameron’s Non Formative Party which ruled Samaku for the last 17 years.

In an historic inaugural speech beamed live to the nation from the Capitol, Ellis, the president Elect acknowledged the volunteers of Samaku:

“How many times have politicians stood before you acknowledging the movement that is volunteering? Many I surmise. But did they ever contemplate that the movement of volunteering may someday become political! Well, they should have because politics in many nations has often been driven by volunteers. Many nations were founded on the backs of volunteers.

Most freedom fighters were volunteers. And yes – there are those who will resist calling such people volunteers. But the truth is evident today that volunteering has taken a bold step in saying that it has the capacity to move wherever and whenever. Let not volunteerism be underestimated.

It does not choose to be an overtly political movement globally in the truest sense but by our example it can demonstrate that it can have a bite when people see through the false platitudes of any sector of our society. Today too, I honour those who lead volunteers, the men and women who have chosen careers that impact society.”

Don J Volau

Leading world journalist writes for Blog site!

This blog site is proud to welcome the occasional contribution from Don J Volau, previously a journalist with the Irish Gazette who published the exclusive April Fool’s day newstory that travelled around the world. http://djcronin.blogspot.com/2010/04/volunteer-managemer-banned.html

Gaining worldwide fame from this article and after appearances on the “Ellen” and Letterman shows as well as “Larry King Live” Don has decided to set up his own publication “The Volunteerism Gazette”
Some of this publication will be reproduced here after http://djcronin.blogspot.com/ outbid bidders from CNN, Fox News and the Ballykissangel Herald.

“ I wanted to share my writings with a site that had integrity, dynamicism ( we looked up the word – we couldn’t find it either – Ed) and light bulb jokes”

Don has been a journalist for almost 2 months. Previous to this he was a volunteer matchmaker in Southwest Ireland. “I wasn’t very successful unfortunately as a lot of my matchmaking ended in divorce. And this is why I have a great empathy for the Volunteer Management sector as well – our professions are misunderstood” When asked by our blog to explain further Don explained “ I had several people visit me from Switzerland to check out what kind of watches I was making!”

We welcome Don. Watch this space for his articles of dynamicism!

We are not Volunteer managers! We are secret agents!

I remember the time I first attended the Australasian Retreat for Advanced Volunteer Management. It was held in Canberra and was without doubt one of the best volunteer management events I have ever been to.

I remember on the second or third night I ventured out with a few colleagues to hit the nightspots of Canberra. We eventually found ourselves at a very interesting nightclub. A group of American tourists got chatting with us. They asked us what we were doing in Canberra. I, being mischievous, informed them that we were attending an international conference for Interpol and that we were all Interpol operatives. They didn’t blink an eye.

I informed them that I was joking and that we were in fact volunteer managers attending a conference. They all burst out laughing at this revelation.

In fact they thought it was hilarious. They didn’t really believe we were volunteer managers. They gave us the impression that they had never heard of volunteer managers hence their jocularity. It took awhile to convince them that I was serious about what we were doing in Canberra.

True story. I still recount it. Very funny..but you had to be there! 

How many Volunteer Managers does it take to change a lightbulb?

So here is my challenge. To evolve and become a true profession I argue that we need an answer, no, a funny answer to this question!

When there are legitimate jokes about Volunteer Management and especially when there is VM joke associated with the classic light bulb then we know we have entered the mainstream.

So help me here as I find one way to launch Volunteer Management into mainstream thinking!!

Q How many Volunteer Managers does it take to change a light bulb?

A ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

There is fun too?

I am immensely enjoying the blogging but reviewing what has been posted so far has given me pause for thought. Almost everything has been a reaction to something. That’s ok in itself. After all if that is the case or is how I see things in volunteer management then so be it. After all it is a personal blog. And it is a blog about volunteer management. I don’t see my comments as being negative. Rather I see my comments as challenging certain ways and beliefs. I have been in volunteer management for almost 14 years now. I would like to see myself still as a modern VM. Now there’s a blog story!! What is a modern VM???

I digress once again. Suffice to say but I intend bringing a little humor to the blog. I have yet to find online a joke about a volunteer manager. Let’s make some up. But some of my lighter moments will be true moments.
Let’s laugh a little too. We need to. Because I’ve seen the fact that as the traditional paradigm of volunteering is challenged the traditionalists get louder, more serious and more fun less. Let’s keep the humor folks.