PART TWO: THE ACCIDENTAL VOLUNTEER MANAGER

THE INTERVIEW

Previously in the Accidental Volunteer Manager: Mr. Bucket an incompetent assistant HR manager is transferred into the vacant Volunteer Management position at Hope Hospital. Working with a part time volunteer coordinator named Jan Mr. Bucket faces his first volunteer interview on his first day!


(Knock on door)

Mr. Bucket: Enter!

(a young guy enters the room aged in his early twenties.)

Alex: Good morning!

Mr Bucket: Yes. Am..you sure you are in the right place?

Alex: I think so - you the volunteer boss yeah?

Bucket: actually manager of volunteers.

Alex: Sweet - I’m in the right place then

Bucket: Good lord!

Alex: eh?

Bucket: Nothing..please take a seat

Alex: Thanks mate

Bucket: I didn’t catch your name?

Alex: Its Alex..Alex Cartwright

Bucket: Well Alex can you tell me why you are here today?

Alex: Well I was looking to volunteer at your hospital

Bucket: I see…and what do you do Alex?

Alex: Well I’m between jobs at the moment

Bucket: Unemployed then?

Alex: Yeah..But looking…thinking of working in the health field maybe some day

Bucket: In a paid capacity?

Alex: eh? Why yes

Bucket: I have to tell you straight up Alex, lest there be any confusion. We don’t pay our volunteers.

Alex: I beg your pardon?

Bucket: I’m afraid our volunteers work for free!

Alex: I’m not too sure where you are going with this?

Bucket: I am just checking that you are not thinking that you are applying for a paid position!

Alex: Ok. I’m getting a little confused here. I was after some volunteering opportunities

Bucket: and you know that means it’s for free?

Alex: are you kidding?

Bucket: absolutely young man – we do not pay our volunteers

Alex: Well excuse me for just one moment here Mr Shovel I know exactly what a volunteer is! ! !

Bucket: what what? Please don’t raise your voice and its Bucket thank you!

Long pause




Bucket: it seems that your motivation for volunteering is …how do I say it in a nice way…a little self centered yes?

Alex: what do you mean?

Bucket: it just seems to me that you want a volunteering job as a leg up to a career in the health field! !

Alex: well that’s just a part of it yes

Bucket: and there are other parts?

Alex: Of course! I want to be able to be there for people who need someone to chat with or give hand and foot massage to patients or,,

Bucket: you do massage?

Alex: Yes I am a trained masseuse

Bucket: Good grief!

Alex: Good grief why?

Bucket: well I just didn’t think men were into it that’s all!

Alex: I see.

Bucket: Look I’ll be Frank Alex

Alex: so its Frank Bucket then

Bucket: what what?

Alex: sorry.an attempt at humour to lighten this strange experience

Bucket: strange for you is it Mr. Cartwright? Well let me be straight up then..Because I don’t want to waste your time and I hope you don’t want to waste mine. Our volunteers are Alchewrealistic you know….dont look befuddled…I looked it up in the dictionary today you know! We are looking for people who want to help others without helping themselves. We also want volunteers who can commit for a number of years not people who will leave just because they get a job. You are not the right fit for our organisation. I am not too sure you understand what a volunteer is so I hope you appreciate my honesty in saying that we don’t have a position for you here.

Alex: Thank you. In fact I am very grateful for your honesty Mr. Bucket

Bucket: why, I am glad that…

Alex: Because I would be horrified volunteering for such an incompetent ignorant and clueless so called volunteer manager like you!

Bucket: What what? Excuse me How dare..

Exit Alex!

Bucket..why…I never!

Enter Jan

Jan: well how did that go?

Bucket: I am sure we have a reject letter Jan. if so can we please send him 10 of them!

Jan: what? He seemed such a nice guy when I spoke to him

Bucket: whatever! Any messages Jan while I was busy?

Jan: actually yes – we had a chap from the Times call

Bucket: The Times newspaper?

Jan: er yes..he said he was calling the odd volunteer manager looking for some comments on International Volunteer Managers Day

Bucket: goodness! What did you say?

Jan: I said he was calling the right place if he was looking for the odd volunteer manager

Bucket: Very funny Jan I’m sure. Did he leave a number?

Jan: Of course

Bucket. Fantastic. I will call him back

Jan: do you even know what International Volunteer Managers Day is about?

Bucket: well the title makes it a little obvious Jan does it not?

Jan: and you think you can handle an interview on volunteer management with a major media outlet do you?

Bucket: Oh Jan. ye of little faith! I may have only commenced my first day in volunteer management but I come from HR remember? And look how I handled today’s troublesome interview what what?

Jan: er…indeed! Well I can’t wait to see this

Bucket: Excellent Jan…I knew I would win you over to my style of management. Now give me that number and I shall call them straight away what what?


TO BE CONTINUED……………..

Comments

  1. Alchewrealistic! That really made me laugh out loud. I'm getting my diploma from Premier College here in NSW soon and I'm thinking of doing some volunteer work to add to my portfolio and, of course, alchewrealistic reasons. lol Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for your comments Cassiny and I'm delighted you got a laugh out of it! Congrats on the Diploma and look out for Mr Bucket!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks again for more laugh out loud moments (a health-giving exercise I understand). The trouble is, there is probably a real Mr Bucket out there somewhere. And the way your scenario is going I doubt there will be any redemption scene. But please keep it going!

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